Loving Yourself - Getting Beyond Perfectionism

Video Featuring Mary Manin Morrissey

How can you learn to love yourself more fully rather than constantly striving for self approval? In this video, spiritual teacher, Mary Manin Morrissey shares a story that will expand your understanding of the difference between self love and the need for self approval; and help you to overcome perfectionism so that you can get more enjoyment out of life and loving yourself!

For more great wisdom from spiritual teacher Mary Manin Morrissey visit LifeSOULutions.com.

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Loving Yourself - Getting Beyond Perfectionism Transcript

There is a physician in San Francisco that tells some wonderful stories. One story, in particular, focuses on loving yourself. In this particular story she talks about what it was like being raised in a family made up of all physicians... her mother, her father, her grandparents had all been physicians; and there was a very high expectation for performance.

She talks about how When you are a child it is easy to mistake approval for love. She adored her father and always wanted to please him. But, when she would bring home a 98% on an exam he would always ask her,

"Well, what happened to the other two points?".

Long after her father stopped asking that question (as she grew up) she took over the job of asking that question for herself. She one day realized that she had turned into a very high order perfectionist.

Over time she began to realize that no matter what she did, she always thought that she could have done better if she had tried just a little bit harder. She then began to realize that there is a difference between real love and simple approval. And yet, when you are raised by a family of perfectionists it is hard sometimes to discover exactly what that difference is and to learn to focus on loving yourself.

She says that life can come in many forms and bring you many teachers. And one of those teachers for her was a friend who was an artist and her first true love.

During the time that they were together, her drivers license came up for renewal and she was going to have to retake the written drivers test to keep her license. The Department of Motor Vehicles sent her a booklet in the mail which she had to study in order to pass.

During the time that she was studying for her test and David, her love, would ask her to do things. He'd say...

"Let's go to a movie,"

And she couldn't go to a movie because she was studying for her driver's test. He would ask her...

"Do you want to go for a walk tonight?"

And she would reply "No, I don't want to go for a walk tonight; I have to study for my drivers test."

She said that after a few days of this she took the test and of course... she got 100%. She came racing into David's studio to tell him.

"David, guess what! Guess what! I got 100% on my drivers test!"

And once she had told him that, he turned around slowly from where he was working, looked her in the eye, and said to her very tenderly...

"My love, why would you ever want to do that?"

This was not the reaction she had expected, but she came to realize that she had spent all this time just trying to get 100%. Because, since her father could not approve of her with less than 100%, she had learned not to approve of her self if she didn't get 100%.

She realized she had spent all that time learning things she really didn't need to know and probably didn't even want to know. And, more than that, there were things she had missed out on that she really would have loved doing...

The walk in the evening...

Watching the movie while holding her love's hand...

There were many things in life that she could have more wisely chosen than trying to be perfect. And so she describes herself now as a "recovering perfectionist".

She said that to perfectionists what we do never seems as good as what we could have done if we had tried just a little bit harder. We must learn the difference between undconditional love and approval. Once you do this you can understand what loving yourself really means.

In our society we have even had to invent a word to describe love that isn't based on approval... "unconditional love". And there is a vast difference between real love and simple approval. Once you do this you can understand what loving yourself really means.

So, we can use approval to help us navigate through life, but our gift is learning to love ourselves fully along the way. It isn't about being perfect; it is about finding ourselves along our life's journey and loving yourself. One of the ways we do that is to practice loving ourselves.

What a wonderful teaching that life is not about being perfect, but about finding ourselves along the way.

For more great wisdom from spiritual teacher Mary Manin Morrissey visit LifeSOULutions.com.

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